You know when you have those weird moments where all of a sudden you realize that what has just come out of your mouth is the most ridiculous, obnoxious thing ever, and you frantically try to backtrack but end up accidentally trying to give credit to your faux pas? I just got finished with a lengthy conversation with Lizzy Brouwer (about many things, most of which were not completely cringe-worthy) in which I attempted to explain my current 'maid situation'. That in and of itself is enough to make most of the people I know (minus friends in VN) roll their eyes and give you a look that makes you feel like an ass. I, however, went on to explain that since my roommate Damien was such a douche about our Maid bringing her daughter to our apartment while she worked and letting her roam free (apparently with pens, with which she decorated his walls), the maid retorted (all of this through our landlord, since the maid speaks maybe 3 words of English and our Vietnamese might just be worse) that since Damien is so filthy she didn't want to work for us anymore. Lauren and I were left in the middle, and we now have no more maid, and I hear it is just HELL to find good help these days.
What really pissed me off was the fact that Damien responded so rudely to that final email, showing a side that I tend to identify as both slightly racist and extremely class-ist, but also the fact that Damien, who moved in a few months ago, lost us our maid who came with the apartment , and now we either have to wash our own cups and take out our own trash, or we have to find a new maid. might as well just admit it: I have gotten used to having our maid not only do the aforementioned things, but also pay many of our bills; I have also come to depend on it. I even consider myself to be far less pampered than those other expats whose maids do their laundry and their grocery shopping. What has this country done to me?
After I sensed that Lizzy was slightly speechless and had no intention of consoling me, instead of expressing my disbelief in how far I could have fallen in one year, I found myself making excuses for why it was ok that we pay(ed) our maid less in one month (12 days) than my parents pay our once-weekly cleaning lady in one day: 'our apartment isn't that big, and she usually doesn't even stay for the whole allotted 2 hours'. Could I be any more of a tool? This is why bitter expats stay as long as they do: the lifestyle is just too damn easy to be able to leave it.
What's funny about being in the upper echelon in a developing country is that you do have to deal with some stuff most people would think to be absurd: after a routine rain in certain districts, the streets are so flooded that one must wade about in the 6 inches of water, with full traffic (read: motorbikes) to dodge. This happened the other day as we were leaving a partnership high school, so I walked 2 blocks alongside dozens of students for whom this water-logged trudge is just routine.
I'm not saying they cancel each other out, but it's just a strange place. We can't drink the water, yet someone will come cook for us if we so desire. The water drainage is laughable, but we can take a hefty holiday once every few months. It's just odd. Oh man. This whole thing is a kind of meditation on the question: have I changed, really? Would my former self be disgusted or disappointed? Am I still relatable to friends and family back home, or have I entered this strange world of expatriate snobbery where everyone else is far less worldly and I have gained insights unfathomable to my fellow Americans? Apparently, I have been talking shit about America lately. My mom told me I was becoming 'weird', though I admit that is a bit vague. I tend to feel that I've always had some misdirected anger (and also a lot of weirdness), and that anger is currently residing in a kind of 'America is so self centered' attitude, which if we are feeling psychoanalytical (and when are we NOT?) is possibly just a way for me to hash out my own self-centeredness; in distancing myself from my home country, perhaps I am trying to distance myself from some of my own less-than-wonderful qualities, or work out those issues as one might do with a mother or father-figure. If so, I can tell you right now that it isn't working, like, at all. Maybe I am just getting weird, who knows. But I might go with the former theory, if only to ensure that I can fall asleep easily tonight. I have a big day tomorrow full of teaching and also song recording.
Did I mention that I am doing the musical recordings for the new English language book that all the VN primary school kids will be using around the country? Trust me, like most things over here, it sounds way cooler than it is. I'll get to that later.
Also, my trip with my parents was a great success. Pictures and anecdotes to follow!
