Apparently, I have been here almost 2 months. Which is weird, because I still feel so new and foreign. I suppose it isn't a surprise at all that the past 2 months have flown by without my realizing it, and not because rohypnol is all the rage here these days. Thinking back to my previous experiences acclimating to new living surroundings, I feel like I should have so much more of a sense of 'belonging'. Maybe that has something to do with the intensity of the culture shock here, or maybe it's because I've never moved somewhere for an indefinite period of time. With no set plan or timeline, one tends to feel less secure. I don't completely mind it; it's giving me some interesting insight into myself, and there is a certain sense of freedom. I feel less defined by what I do, or the labels that are usually given to people here (aside from the whole 'white person' or 'American chick' thing, which is made painfully obvious in Vietnamese circles or just walking down the street).
After Wednesday, I had a bit of a freak-out in terms of the whole teaching thing. It was hard, I had to yell over classrooms full of kids, and I wasn't sure at the end of the day whether I had actually taught the students anything. There were definitely moments of feeling fraudulent, but then I remembered back to basically any job I have ever held in my life, and I just felt super normal. Talking to some other teachers helped as well; apparently everyone hates the partnership schools at first, but I'm told things get better.
I think because my first month had such a rigid schedule, I felt a bit lost and back to square one when the CELTA course was finished. I am still trying to meet new people and make new friends, which I don't think will be too difficult. The big problem is with whom to make friends. I vowed when I came here to not be one of those ESL teachers who comes over and lives a completely insular life void of any contact with actual Vietnamese people aside from the times you are actually teaching them how to speak your mother tongue. So far, I have done super well on that front. Most of my social gatherings are made up of Vietnamese people and are decently non-western. The issue with hanging out with people from VN is most conversation revolves around small talk due to the language barrier. Obviously I'm not trying to insult their english; I speak exactly 2 phrases in Vietnamese (thank you, and 'one two three cheers') so it's actually more my fault than theirs, but it is sometimes exhausting and frustrating.
When we are feeling like meeting some english speaking people, or attempting to find some music that doesn't make your ears bleed or your soul die, we try some of the myriad expat bars or clubs. You can really meet some interesting people there, and the diversity is staggering. Not only are there other Americans, but also British people and even Australians on occasion. Crazy. Problem is, once you meet them, you realize they typically are exactly the type of expat you don't want to be-they hang out with their other expat friends almost exclusively, and live in ritzy fully serviced high rise apartments, conveniently located in the center of town where there are a decent amount of other white faces (I'm kind of kidding here, obviously accusing entire groups of people I don't know of being racist isn't a smart or logical move). To give them props, most of these types aren't nearly as bad as the male english teachers who move here to find themselves a nice subservient Vietnamese girlfriend/wife who isn't bothered by the insane power dynamics. My friend Akiko calls these men 'LBH' or 'loser back home'. It sounds harsh, but if you saw and/or talked to these guys for 5 minutes, you would agree. whole heartedly. Am I in a cheerful mood or WHAT?
Most of the Vietnamese people I spend time with I really have no business hanging out with. They tend to be very rich and/or important, and Fran and I are baffled by the fact that they continue to invite us to their gatherings. It's the whole westerner thing. It's really crazy. Going to a professional singer's birthday party and singing on the stage with her? Being invited to a dinner party at an art gallery holding Vietnamese national treasures and drinking deer antler-blood liquor? Practicing with a band at a house with its own sound-proof recording studio and elevator? It's all very confusing and fun. The westerner status makes us a kind of commodity, an interesting addition to the other company consisting of big deal businessmen, top artists and other bohemian types. It's so strange, because as far as I'm concerned, I'm just a recent college graduate looking for direction by lolling about in south Vietnam. Obviously, I'm soaking up every minute of it, learning as much as I can, and trying to make friends.
I could probably go on for a long time about the westerner status and its repercussions, and most surely will in another post. The whole thing is fascinating and also a little troubling. For now I will leave you with these tidbits:
-Someone at a bar on Friday told me I was the most sarcastic woman he'd ever met. I took it as a compliment.
-it is quite difficult to handle meniere's disease in Asia with no kitchen. I've been eating a lot of yogurt and granola.
-given my westerner status, I have so far been able to get into hotel gyms/pools to exercise until I can actually afford a gym membership. You just walk in, and most times you don't get a second glance. Though knowing my luck, acknowledging that fact in a public forum will jinx me forever.
-A few weeks ago, I finished reading a memoir about a young woman who lived in China in the 90's. I feel like there are a ton of parallels between current VN and China in the 90's. Regardless of the nuances, or perhaps because of them, I think living in Saigon at this time is amazingly interesting and I'm really pleased I made this decision.
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